01
ZERO PROTECTION
Advanced engineering eliminates unnecessary safety features.
The next generation of family planning
The world's least effective condom.
Advanced technology for people who definitely don't need children right now.
GET BABYMAKER3000PRO — €9.99
Free your friend from the burden of responsible decision-making.
Novelty product · Not a contraceptive · Not for sexual use
Technical specifications
ENGINEERED
FOR FAILURE.
- Contraceptive performance
- 0%
- Baby generation potential
- Extremely high*
- Awkwardness
- 3000%
- Technology
- Proprietary™
- Model
- BMP-3000-PRO
- Battery life
- Not required
- AI
- Absolutely not
*Results may vary. This is a novelty product and is not a contraceptive.
WHY
BABYMAKER
3000PRO?
Three breakthrough innovations nobody requested, delivered in one remarkably small package.
02
MAXIMUM AWKWARDNESS
Designed to create conversations nobody asked for.
03
PRO-LEVEL REGRET
Because the standard model simply wasn't embarrassing enough.
How it works
THREE EASY STEPS
-
01
SELECT YOUR TARGET
Think of someone who definitely shouldn't have this.
-
02
DEPLOY
Send BabyMaker3000Pro™ directly to them.
-
03
WAIT
The phone call should arrive shortly.
1 / 4
In stock
Model BMP-3000-PRO
Baby Maker 3000 Pro
The world's least effective condom. A novelty gag gift.
€9.99 incl. VAT
- Ships in 1–3 business days
- Secure, encrypted checkout
- Discreet packaging
- Shipping across the EU
VISA
MASTERCARD
PAYPAL
APPLE PAY
Novelty product · Not a contraceptive · Not for sexual use
WHO NEEDS A BABYMAKER
3000PRO?
YOUR BEST FRIEND
Because friendship is about honesty.
YOUR EX
Closure comes in many forms.
YOUR COWORKER
They keep talking about having kids.
YOUR WORST ENEMY
Self-explanatory.
CUSTOMER
FEEDBACK
Fictional testimonials · For entertainment only · Not verified reviews
“Absolutely useless. Exactly as advertised.”
“My brother hasn't spoken to me since.”
“I thought it was a joke. Then I opened it.”
FAQ
Questions you probably shouldn't be asking. Answered anyway.
Is BabyMaker3000Pro™ a real contraceptive?
No. It is a novelty gag product and is not intended for sexual use.
Can I use it for contraception?
No. Absolutely not.
What does BabyMaker3000Pro™ actually do?
Mostly create awkward conversations.
Can I send it as a gift?
Yes. That's basically the point.
Why does this exist?
We honestly don't know.
MAKE A TERRIBLE DECISION.
Baby Maker 3000 Pro
€9.99
Novelty product · Not a contraceptive · Not for sexual use